


Bereavement and Running

by rach320



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 05:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11007231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rach320/pseuds/rach320
Summary: Without Barry, the hope is gone. And Iris grieves, until someone finds a way to give her just a bit of hope back.The season 3 finale left me with a lot of feelings and this is how I dealt with them.





	Bereavement and Running

From the moment Barry walked into the speed force, Iris felt numb.

 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. This wasn’t the happily ever after she was waiting for. She was supposed to be Iris West-Allen. They were supposed to get married and live happily ever after.

 

They finally defeated Savitar, HR dying in her place, risking his life so she could live and then Iris saved Barry after he dared to show Savitar mercy. They were grieving the loss of HR and Iris knew that one day the fact that she had killed another man—never mind the fact that he had tried to kill her—would one day settle on her conscience.

 

But she had thought that Barry would have been there to help her shoulder the burden, the burden of having a good man willingly die in her place so that she could get her happily ever after with Barry. The burden of knowing that while she had used the gun to save the life of the man she loved, a hero to an entire city, she still had blood on her hands.

 

Even if he was just a time remnant.

 

And now Barry was gone because the speed force needed someone else in Savitar’s place to remain stable and Barry being Barry wouldn’t let anyone else take his place. She supposed it was a minor comfort that his mother had taken him into the speed force and ensured that he’d be okay. And maybe one day, it would be. But for now, all Iris could feel was numb.

 

Her Dad called her in sick from work, spinning some story with Julian about how Barry had gone missing during the earthquakes. It was only their sway with CPD that allowed them to have a fake investigation, both of the men knowing that the only way Barry was coming home was if they could figure out how to stabilise the speed force.

 

Iris sat on the couch, knees clutched protectively against her chest, ignoring the ringing phone. It was probably Cisco or her Dad, maybe Wally. She wouldn’t pick up and she knew they knew that she wouldn’t pick up. But that didn’t stop them from calling and she knew that one day soon, one of them would drag her out of her apartment. But for now, they’d let her grieve in peace.

 

_“Hey, Iris!”_ The too cheery voice of one of her friends from college came through the phone, the slight southern lilt indicating that it was Julianne. _“I got your save the date card! I’ve already got the week off work. God, I can’t believe that you’re finally marrying Barry. I knew you two would be together, he was so in love with you, even back then. That boy would walk on water for you. Anyway, send Barry my—“_

 

Iris had never been so thankful for the time limit on their answering machine.

 

The last thing Barry had done was send out the save the date cards, speeding them to their respective addresses. She had scolded him teasingly, always teasingly when it came to things like that, but now that he was gone and they didn’t know when he’d be back, if ever, she wished he’d never sent out the damn cards. She didn’t want to deal with the apologetic phone calls, the concerned voices. Wally had taken the guest list and said he’d notify everyone on the list—the least he could do—but with everything going on, it was taking some time for him to get through it.

 

_“Iris, it’s Cisco.”_ Iris’ head shot up slightly at the tone of his voice. It was almost excited, but hesitant. Clutching Barry’s shirt tighter to her small frame, she stood up from the couch, tip toeing over to the phone in case she decided to answer it. _“It’s nothing substantial, but you need to come down to Star Labs. We’ve found something, we’ve found hope—“_

 

Anything else he was going to say was cut off as she pulled the phone from the receiver, answering it. “I’ll be down there in fifteen.”

 

Iris nearly tripped over herself as she hurried to put on a pair of jeans. Grabbing her keys from the stand, she tried to comb out the knots in her hair as she walked out of their loft. She hadn’t showered since Barry had left, hadn’t left their apartment, wanting to stay where everything seemed to be the same, where Barry’s things still were and where signs of his existence were still there as proof of their shared life. It was why she was wearing his shirt, enveloped in the smell of him as she had sat on the couch, barely moving, barely eating, wanting to remain in the last place that they were happy together. It wasn’t healthy and she knew that a psychologist would be having a field day with her, but right now, this was what Iris needed.

 

She ignored the concerned looks of the team as she arrived at Star Labs, concern written plain as day on their faces. She knew that Wally and Jesse were filling in for Barry until he was back. She knew that Julian, Cisco and Harry had been working nearly non-stop, trying to figure out a way to get Barry out and that in-between going back to finish her PhD, Tracy was helping too. There couldn’t be a better team out there, that much, Iris knew. Felicity was even chipping in, though her knowledge of the speed force was limited. But, she and Oliver could send resources and so they did.

 

“What is it?” She demanded, hands on her hips. If it wasn’t for her dishevelled appearance, it was almost as if the old Iris was back, the stubborn reporter who wanted to make her mark on the world and who didn’t like bullies.

 

Cisco recognised the signs of grieving from when he lost his brother and though it wasn’t the same, he knew what she had to be feeling. For all intents and purposes, Barry wasn’t coming back. And if he wasn’t back in three months time, CPD would declare him dead as dictated by protocol. That’s why he was working so hard, trying to find a way to save his friend, his brother. He wouldn’t let another person go through the pain that he went through, not if it could be avoided.

 

“I went into the time vault. Original Wells left some notes in there and I was hoping that something could be useful. But I found something else instead.”

 

Iris sighed in exasperation. This had better not have been some trick to get her to leave the loft. “Well, then what was it?”

 

“Come with me.”

 

Resisting only slightly, Iris followed Cisco into the hallways, barely noting the relieved faces of her family and friends. She wasn’t in the best of shape and she was definitely annoyed with them, anxious for some sort of news, but she was finally something besides numb. And that’s all they could ask for.

 

Cisco opened the vault and Iris stepped inside. She immediately noted the article on the screen. It was the same one that had told her she was going to die, and the same one that told her that everything was going to be okay.

 

“Cisco, what’s going on?”

 

“I looked at the article. I thought…” He paused, taking in a deep breath to steel himself. “I thought that if Barry was meant to disappear now, the date would change. That the article about the Flash disappearing would change from 2024 to 2017 and that it would be written by Iris West, not Iris West-Allen.”

 

“But?” She questioned, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her patience was wearing thin and all she wanted to do was return to their—her—apartment.

 

“Iris, it hasn’t changed.”

 

The news hit her like a ton of bricks and she rushed forward, reading every aspect of the future article. The Flash disappeared in 2024. It was still written by Iris West-Allen. 

 

“What does… What does this mean?” She questioned, fighting against the hope bubbling up inside of her.

 

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly, and she was glad that he could give her that. “But, it gives us hope. The future hasn’t changed. You still become Iris West-Allen and you still write about the Flash disappearing in 2024, not 2017. I don’t think that Barry’s lost to us, Iris. I think there’s still hope. And I don’t know if we’re the ones who will get him out or if Barry will figure it out himself from inside the speed force, but the future hasn’t changed—“

 

His words were cut off as Iris launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him in her first voluntary human contact in days. “Thank you.” She whispered.

 

Cisco was stunned, eyes wide, but managed to wrap his arms around her, returning the hug. “I’m not going to give up, Iris, and you shouldn’t either.”

 

“Cisco—“

 

“No, Iris.” He pulled back, forcing her to look at him. “Barry wouldn’t want this. He wouldn’t want your life to stop. In fact, I know he told you to keep on living, to keep on moving forward, to keep on running. We have hope now, Iris. And I have to believe that everything is going to work out because Barry Allen and Iris West,” he smiled sadly, “you two are fated to have your happily ever after.”

 

She closed her eyes, fighting against her tears. She was hurting, they all were. And deep down, she knew that the hurt would never go away, wouldn’t unless Barry escaped the speed force, but she could learn to live with it. Like her dad and Wally did after her mom died, like Cisco dealt with the loss of his brother, like Barry had learned to live despite losing both of his parents. She had done it before, with Eddie, but it hadn’t hurt as much then. And that had been because Barry had been there. But now it was Barry who was gone and it hurt, it hurt so damn much that all she could feel was numb because the pain was too much to register and if she acknowledged it, she’d fall apart, just like she did right afterwards, crumpling to the ground and crying until she had no more tears left.

 

But she had Cisco. And her Dad and Wally and Julian. Maybe she could pay a trip to Felicity, get out of the city for a while. And maybe she could go back to work, get involved in a story, let that distract her from the pain she was feeling.

 

“Okay.”

 

Cisco’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Okay. Now come on, there are some people out there who care about you and are worried.”

 

She spent the rest of the day with her support system, letting her Dad hold her while she cried, letting Wally try to get her to smile.

 

The next day, Cisco showed up at her door in gym clothes and they went running, starting a new daily routine.

 

A week later and Iris returned to work, ignoring the sympathetic looks of her coworkers.

 

One month after Barry’s departure and Iris still felt the hole in her chest, the agony of losing him still present, albeit dimmed. She laced up her running shoes and greeted Cisco as they walked to the park, stretching for starting their jog. They were much slower than Barry, but they were running.

 

Iris smiled to herself, looking at the engagement ring still on her finger as she hit her stride. She was doing as Barry asked, no matter how much it still hurt at times and no matter how much she sometimes wanted to crawl back onto the coach and forget about the world.

 

Iris West, soon to be Iris West-Allen, was running, just as he asked. And she’d continue running until Barry came back to her.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written for the Flash before so this might be a bit OC but I wanted to write something following the finale. It was inspired by Barry's last words to Iris and my own experiences with loss and grieving.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
